Quick Summary:
Mistakes That Can Turn Your Child’s Heart From You – Parenting is full of blessings and challenges, but certain choices can unintentionally push your child away. This post explores 5 common mistakes that can turn your child’s heart from you and practical ways to repair and nurture your relationship, all guided by Scripture and God’s wisdom.
Bulleted Overview of Main Points
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Focusing on behavior over the heart – Prioritize guiding your child’s heart, not just their actions.
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Protecting them without building friendship – Rules without relationship can create rebellion.
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Choosing control over connection – Harshness and anger damage relationships; love fosters obedience.
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Missing their emotions in the name of compassion – Listen first and empathize with their struggles.
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Rushing ahead instead of meeting them where they are – Encourage them in the present rather than only planning for the future.
What are the worst parenting mistakes that turn your child’s heart from you? Don’t get me wrong—I love my kids! Parenting is one of the greatest blessings—but also one of the greatest responsibilities. And let’s be honest—it’s hard. With every new season of raising children comes new challenges. Sometimes, it feels like no matter what we do, we’re falling short. You’re not alone in that feeling, but remember that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
Many parents think that the most common mistake parents make is yelling at their children. This is definitely a big one, however, there are some additional parenting mistakes that can push your kids away. The good news? With God’s help, we can grow and do better.
In this post, we’ll walk through five common parenting mistakes and how they can impact your relationship with your children—especially their hearts. We’ll also explore how to lovingly win your child’s heart back, nurture that connection, and rely on Scripture for those “when your child breaks your heart” moments.
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Focusing on Behavior Over the Heart
1. We strive to look right, but fail to emphasize the important heart issues.
We often strive to “look like” we’re raising good kids—well-behaved, respectful, and obedient. But if we’re not reaching their hearts, we’re missing the mark. The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 4:23 (ESV): “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
Ask God to help you see past the behavior into what your child is truly struggling with. That is the key to your child’s heart.
If you examine your discipline methods, you may discover that you spend much of your time changing your children’s behavior rather than their hearts. From the book Parenting is Heart Work:
The greatest parenting tip we can share wtih you is this: maintain a strong connection to your heavenly father. He offers spiritual guidance and direction to help you work through your own heart issues so you can become effective with your children. Ask God to show you the real issues your son or daughter is facing, then PRAY.”
2. Protecting Them From the World, But Forgetting to Be Their Friend
It’s good and wise to guard our kids from harmful influences. But if we don’t intentionally build a strong relationship with them ourselves, we leave a void in their hearts. We have to fill that void by spending time with them. We need to make that a priority!
Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids
Passionate Parenting: Enjoying the Journey of Parenting TeensSolving A Crisis in Christian Parenting: Why so many prodigals?[(Child Training Tips : What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)] [By (author) Reb Bradley] published on (August, 2014)
![[(Child Training Tips : What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)] [By (author) Reb Bradley] published on (August, 2014)](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51SnOcJL+QL._SL500_.jpg)
Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. If you’re only laying down rules, without investing in relationship, your child may begin to close off.
Unfortunately, it’s not something we can always do on our own timetable either. I think it’s important to allow time in your schedule daily just to spend time with your kids, but I have found that often they need my attention or a listening ear at times when I’m busy with something else. Nothing is more important, though, than being there when they want to talk.
Related Posts: Why You Need To Win Your Child’s Heart, Four Simple Ways To Win Your Child’s Heart
They open up on their schedule, not just when you are ready to listen and say, “Hey, what’s on your heart that you want to talk about? I’ve got 15 minutes.”
If you are available to listen or just be there for them when they’re going through a difficult time, as they share their emotions with you, it will create a bond. They are then more willing to hear you out, because they know you care.
The key is availability! ( It is also very helpful to just include them in your cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.)
3. Choosing Control Over Connection
In our efforts to raise “good children” and require obedience, it’s easy to become harsh as we strive to be firm. When your son breaks your heart—or your daughter pushes you away—it’s tempting to get more strict or angry. But harshness damages connection.
We sometimes mistake fear-based compliance for obedience. But real obedience grows in the soil of love and relationship. Harshness and anger damage relationships!
Colossians 3:21 (ESV) reminds us: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Controlling our kids through anger or manipulation won’t work long term. In fact, many young people who rebel were raised in homes where one or both parents struggled with anger. Dr. S.M. Davis notes that parental anger is often at the root of a child’s rebellion.
In the booklet Solving the Crisis in Christian Parenting, it talks about this very thing and says it SO well:
What we didn’t realize was that there is a great difference between intimidating children into subjection and winning their hearts into submission. Intimidating children into subjection merely gains outward compliance. Having their hearts means gaining greater opportunity to influence their values.”
It’s so important to also remember that anger doesn’t address the issue of the heart, and confuses the learning process. The child is focusing more on avoiding your anger than changing their heart.
Dr. S.M. Davis counsels many Christian parents who are struggling with their children and has made the observation that when there is rebellion in a young person, there is almost always anger in one or both of the parents. The anger causes the parent to lose the child’s heart, and over time, they rebel.
When your children break your heart, pause and ask: Is there anger in me that’s damaging our relationship? God’s grace can help heal and restore.
Are you raising a rebel? If you are ready to actively examine your parenting for these mistakes that can lead to rebellion, then this study is for you.
4. Missing Their Emotions in the Name of Compassion
We want to help our kids through tough times—but sometimes we see their struggles through our own lens instead of theirs. True empathy means pausing to understand their perspective, not just offering advice. We all want to see our children through the life circumstances that bring them pain. We want to guide them through these situations and hopefully build strength and character as they learn to navigate tough seasons in life.
Listen first. Pause before you speak and try to see the situation through their eyes. This will help you see your child’s heart in the tough times. When your kids break your heart, remember: no one can break your heart like your child. But God sees you. And He sees them too.
5. Rushing Ahead Instead of Meeting Them Where They Are
Even when our children are small, we dream about their futures. We picture them 10..15.. maybe even 20 years down the road as we try to imagine who God is growing these children to be.
We all dream big dreams for our kids. But it’s easy to push them toward our vision, instead of encouraging them where they are right now.
Even if their current stage feels messy or uncertain, that’s where God is working. Don’t miss the heart work God is doing today in pursuit of what you hope tomorrow will bring.
Let’s not parent from fear of the future but from faith in what God is doing right now.
What To Do When You’ve Made Parenting Mistakes
How do I get rid of parenting mistakes?
All parents make mistakes. The good news? God is in the business of restoration.
James 1:5 (ESV): “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
We know there will be parenting mistakes. But with God’s help, we can ask Him to make us aware of any mistakes we may be making with our kids. He will give us the strength to repair damaged relationships, and when we ask How can I make up this parenting mistake? He will show us! He will purposefully work to win the hearts of your children!
How do you recover from parenting mistakes?
Whether you’ve yelled too much, been too busy, or simply feel like you’re parenting wrong—God can help. Ask Him for wisdom. Apologize to your kids when needed. Let them see your humility. That softens their hearts and draws them back to yours.
If you’re wondering how to recover from parenting mistakes or how to win your child’s heart back, know this: it’s not too late. Even broken relationships can be healed when we invite God into the process.
5 Parenting Mistakes That Can Turn Your Child’s Heart – Quick Takeaways
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Behavior over heart – Focus on shaping their heart, not just correcting actions.
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Rules without relationship – Spend intentional time connecting with your child.
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Control vs. connection – Avoid anger and harshness; nurture obedience through love.
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Overlooking emotions – Listen and empathize before offering advice.
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Pushing ahead – Meet your child where they are; don’t parent solely for the future.
Recovery & Restoration Tips:
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Pray for wisdom and guidance from God.
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Acknowledge mistakes and apologize when necessary.
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Humility and grace soften hearts and rebuild trust.
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Focus on daily connection and intentional parenting.
Join me for a free 5-day series: 5 Parenting Mistakes that Lead To Rebellion
We will look at five ways you can inadvertently instill a rebellious spirit in your child’s heart, and Biblical answers will be given as to how to deal with early rebellion. A daily email will be sent for 5 consecutive days.
