Have you thought about why you need to win your child’s heart?
There is a spiritual battle raging in our children’s hearts daily, and as parents we cannot be complacent, hoping everything will turn out okay. Winning the hearts of our children is the most important thing we can do as parents because if we don’t win their heart, someone else will.
It is so important to have their hearts. When we do, they are open to our teaching and instruction. This gives us the opportunity to pour into them the truths that God is giving us to share with them. When we don’t have their hearts, we can’t pour any of those truths in.
If we want to be able to have an influence in our children’s lives, we must have their hearts. It will give us the opportunity to influence not just what they do, but who they are.
From the book Parenting is Heart Work:
God is interested in hearts because that’s where real and lasting change takes place. In fact, when you direct your energies toward your child’s heart, amazing things will happen. Parents often become the hands and feet God uses to mold a child’s heart. Our job is to find out where God is working and then partner with Him to do the deeper work necessary in our kids’ lives.
I love that statement about parents being the hands and feet God uses to mold a child’s heart. What an awesome responsibility we have!
If we don’t accept them or who they are, and/or they feel they can never gain our approval, they will give up trying, and give their heart to someone who will listen and accept them. We need to be sure we affirm them often, and not just focus on the flaws we see.
Some simple ideas of how to affirm them:
When was the last time you told your child something you liked about them, or what they did that you thought was great?
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I am going to share something our pastor said about this, that expresses the idea very well:
“If I am facing a situation that requires me to administer discipline, I must ask mysel if the cause of the problem is innocence, ignorance, or rebellion? Have I taught and trained them or did I just expect them to know what I wanted? By using common sense rather than being unreasonable, I win their hearts.”
Unfortunately, I think that sometimes as parents we aren’t fair, and as a result, we exasperate our children. That’s not fair to them, and when they get old enough that they can sense unfairness, they will resent it.
For parents who know the importance of teaching children to obey right away, it’s very easy to get in drill sergeant mode with the kids. Rather than ordering them to do things, we should ask them.
Treat them with the same honor and respect you would want to be treated with.
I have caught myself at times treating a child who was visiting our home, better than I did my own children. I would be more polite and kind with them, and then hear myself using a different tone with my own kids.
God convicted me and reminded me that children are people too, and we should treat them with honor. Say please and thank you to them, or “excuse me”, rather than “get out of my way.”
Don’t assume they know you love them. To win their hearts, they need you to tell them that often.
Maybe your parents never said “I love you” to you, so this is uncomfortable. Your kids still need to hear it.
Also, show affection physically: lots of hugs, pats, tickles, etc.
These things may seem small, but they are very important in capturing your child’s heart. Choose one or two of them to do today![magicactionbox]
Here are 4 (more) Simple Ways You Can Win Your Child’s Heart to get you started.
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10 Responses
It’s SO easy to do, isn’t it? I had to constantly be aware of my tone and spirit with my kids, and correct it when I was being snippy with them. Keep working on it, and asking God to poke you when you mess up so you can apologize, and make it right with your kids.
I have found myself (more than once) using a much sweeter when other children join us for the day than when it’s just us. It’s so sad, but I’m so guilty of it. I’m sweet and patient because someone else kid is over, but not when it’s just my own kids. This is something I dearly want to change!
Being Mom really takes us out of ourselves, doesn’t it? I am a very non-affectionate person, and it is taking such an effort for me to remember to touch my older kids everyday. I realized a while ago that once they quit nursing, I pretty much formed a bubble around each of us and stopped touching them. I’m trying to break through that bubble and bad habit now. Thanks for the encouragement! I found you on the Homemaker’s Link up today and pinned your post!
Hope you have a great birthday outing with your daughter!