The slightly disrespectful tone of voice, doing what they are told with a frown, or that bad attitude of a child — those are what I am referring to when I say, Don’t let the little weeds grow!
That is something I struggled with over the 35 years of raising our eight kids. Often, I was guilty of letting “little things” go.
Sometimes I was just TOO TIRED to deal with the wrong behavior that I saw. At times I would overlook something, telling myself that it was just a little thing.
I would let those little weeds go, and as a result the behavior would get worse, as those weeds grew and took root in the hearts of my kids.
In my mind I rationalized: “She didn’t cry when he hit her; I’ll just pretend I didn’t even see it.” Or when seeing a bad attitude, I’d overlook it hoping it would go away.
Here’s the problem. When you let those “little things” go, they grow into bigger things.
Picture a gardener going out to weed the garden he is tending. He pulls EVERY weed he sees. You’re not going to hear a good gardener say he just lets the little weeds go, because they are little and don’t matter.
He knows that if he leaves them, they will be bigger the next time he weeds, AND the roots will be deeper making it harder to get them out.
It’s the same way with those “small weeds” in our children. If we let them go, the roots get deeper into their hearts, and it’s harder to root them out.
That small attitude can turn to outright disrespect when left untended. The rolling of the eyes can turn to defiant disobedience.
Those “little weeds” ALWAYS grow, so we must deal with them immediately, rather than waiting till it’s a BIG problem with deep roots.
1. Choose your battles wisely.
Once you have chosen where the boundaries are, stick to your guns! Don’t give in regardless of how the kids may complain, or how tired you are.
Your kids need to know you mean it when you set boundaries, and that they don’t change based on your mood.
When choosing which battles to fight, focus on the things that matter: obedience, respect, diligence, etc. In areas where your kids may just have different preferences than you, it’s better to let those things go and focus on the character issues instead.
2. Be consistent with consequences.
Your kids should know what the pre-determined consequences are when they cross the established boundaries. They should also know that you will be consistent in enforcing the consequences each time.
3. Work together with spouse.
Kids learn very quickly to try to play the parents. If one parent says no to something, they will often try asking the other parent, hoping they will give in.
We taught our kids that mom and dad were a team, and we supported each other. That meant that if one of us said no about something, they weren’t allowed to go and ask the other parent. If they did, they got in trouble for it.
It’s also important to work together with your spouse in being consistent.
There were times when I would be standing at the stove cooking dinner, and calling out orders to the kids over my shoulder. I would fail to pay attention to see if the kids were doing as they were told. If my husband noticed, he would tell the kids that they needed to obey.
By working together with your spouse, it helps you both to be more consistent.
4. Be aware.
Don’t get engrossed in online activities or a good book, while failing to pay attention to what is going on with the kids.
To mentor their hearts, you have to be around them, and aware of what they are doing or saying.
If you are frequently distracted and inattentive, it is very likely that they will be getting away with things that need to be addressed.
5. Pray for wisdom and discernment.
It’s important to address the heart issues that are going on, rather than just the behavior. We need God’s wisdom to know how to best handle the little weeds in the garden of their hearts.
Don’t let the little weeds grow. Seek God’s help daily as you train your kids, and carefully tend the garden of their hearts.[magicactionbox]
10 Responses
Hi Candice, it’s tough when you’re on full time duty with Dad being gone! Keep plucking those little weeds. So glad you enjoy my emails and that they have been helpful to you!
This is very much true for me. When Dad is on the road, our girls are ornery. I struggle when he is gone. Lately, it seems I have been tired of dealing with the big weeds, I have stuck to picking out the smaller ones. To help us keep the arguments (sibling rivalries) to a minimum. I really enjoy your emails, Kathie. They help me out a lot.
I’m so glad you enjoy my posts! I love your description of the weeds that spring up overnight, and the battle to deal with them. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the fresh reminder! I enjoy your posts. I also have 8 children and our oldest is about to be 27 with only 3 “school aged”. Sometimes there seem to be many little weeds that spring up overnight all over the family garden. Every time there is a gust of wind and a rain shower or a bird sits in a tree, phew, we have to keep those tools out ready to preserve the good that has been planted! It can sometimes seem like a war of attrition to just maintain a small spot!
It can get tiring but I need to continue choose to not give up being watchful and diligent. God is faithful to perform the good work He promised to finish … in me … and also my precious offspring (who aren’t babies anymore). I am able to watch good fruit from previous effort but the job isn’t over.
Sarah, my mom loved to garden too. I think that’s where I got the idea about the need to pull the “little weeds”. Glad it was helpful to you.
You’re right, Michele. Since we have the kids all day, it’s easy to just keep doing it all on our own when Dad is there to help. Teamwork lightens the load! (Not to mention, kids always seem to behave better for Dads!) 🙂
Yes, yes, yes to #3. Sometimes we mothers function as if we were single parents! God gave children two parents for a reason. This has been sanity-saving for me!
I am an avid gardener, so this analogy really hit home for me. You are right, little weeds are much easier to deal with than the big ones. As moms, I feel like we are always deciding whether or not to intervene in a situation among our children. This is going to be a great tool for me to go by, thank you!
I know what you mean! I kind of was “preaching” to myself when I wrote this! 🙂
Oh man… I need to read this post every morning I think! I really, really needed this today. Those weeds have been choking out good stuff lately and I need to get to work and be more consistent for sure!