Why do I lose my temper with my child? This is a common question and a real struggle for parents at times. You know your kids are a blessing and you love them dearly. Your desire is for them to grow up to be what God wants them to be, and to love Him. You pray for them, teach them, and pour yourself into training them.
But despite your love and best efforts, you sometimes find yourself feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and then responding with anger. Instead of being the kind and patient mother you want to be, you snap, yell, or react in anger. Then you are filled with guilt. Let’s look at why this happens, and how we can turn this around and respond with love in our times of frustration
How do I not lose my temper with my kid?
I never planned to be an angry mother. Since I grew up with a mother who would scream and spank with whatever she could grab, my heart wanted to be different. But inside my head was a yelling mom who wanted her children to obey and used fear to intimidate them into compliance. My anger would rush to the surface as if someone had flipped a switch.
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When Angry Mom was activated, I could no longer control my reactions. I lost my temper. Who was this crazy beast inside of me? What had placed her there? And why was I always losing my temper with my children? I knew God intended for better things in our family.
Through God’s Word, we are instructed to practice self-control, and it always bothered me that I had none. Although I prayed for healing, God started me on a journey to recovery. I learned much more about myself (and Him) than I ever knew before.
Why do I get angry with my kids?
I cannot tell you exactly where your anger originates, but I can share several sources for emotional instability I have discovered in my own life. Before scanning the list dismissively, ask God to speak to you and carefully consider the slight possibility one of these anger triggers is alive inside of you.
You are hardwired to be emotional.
I grew up with an angry mom… who grew up with an angry mom… who was abused by several parental figures. Neither I nor any of the women in my life planned to be raging mothers.
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Instead, it was a reactive behavior taught to us by observing the previous generation. This hardwiring doesn’t justify our behavior. Overwhelming anger is a sin.
I do not use my past as an excuse for my present. However, it does clarify areas where I need to pray and seek healing.
You suffer from PMS
For three days each month, my husband expects the absolute worst from me. Isn’t that incredibly sad? My inclination towards anger coupled with raging hormones means Angry Mom is lurking below the surface.
In order to avoid allowing this bitter, raging version of myself to break out, I turn to extra quiet time alone with God. It is always easier for me to maintain my temper when I am connected with God and can recall His Word from memory.
Additional self-care (like aromatherapy and exercise) may also help clear your thoughts and slow your reactions.
Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids
Passionate Parenting: Enjoying the Journey of Parenting TeensSolving A Crisis in Christian Parenting: Why so many prodigals?[(Child Training Tips : What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)] [By (author) Reb Bradley] published on (August, 2014)
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You are in pain or some form of distress.
Over the last several years of recovering from being an emotional mom, I noticed I was prone to lose my temper with my children when I had a headache, was exhausted, or carried a load of stress.
Anger often flares because it is misdirected.
Your pent-up frustrations boil over like acid onto whoever is closest, even if that person is your child.
Developing coping mechanisms can help you keep your temper under control. Whether you choose to breathe deeply, exercise, or vent to someone trustworthy, finding a way to destress and clarify the source of your anger will keep you from losing your temper with your children.
More than anything, remember that God offers to carry your burdens. He does not want you to unload on your children. His desire is that you would turn to Him.
Help! I don’t want to lose my temper with my child!
I know you want a better life for your family and your home to be a place of nurture. Invite God to show you how to change and join me on the journey to recovery.
There are many resources available to help you overcome anger, so don’t give in and believe the lie that you can’t change, or that there’s no help for you! Seek God and His wisdom and strength, while also doing your part to get Biblical answers and techniques to help you overcome your anger.
Resources for Controlling Your Temper With Your Kids
- Are You An Angry Parent?
- How To Stop Being an Angry Mom
- 10 Ways to Restore Relationships Damaged by Anger
- 6 Secrets for Staying Patient & Calm When Kids are Misbehaving
- Hope & Help For the Angry Mom
If you need more help, I have more helpful advice in my free printable, Flip Your Mood Fast, including 8 practical tips for keeping your temper with your children. Get the free printable.
Tabitha Philen, mom to four children ages 14 and under, is overcoming mommy rage and depression. Although not perfected, she continues the journey to complete recovery and invites you to join her through her book, Even-Tempered Mother. You can also find Tabitha writing about raising a family with sense on cents at MeetPenny.com. Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Instagram
