Are you an angry parent? How does an angry parent affect a child? I mention the importance of not dealing with our children in anger at most of my workshops, and have had many parents come to me saying that they struggle with this. (especially those who have a difficult child!)
Many moms have come to me in tears admitting they are really having a hard time with their anger, and they feel guilty because no matter how many times they determine to not let it happen again, it does.
Before I say anything else on this topic, let me clarify that I am not talking about the parent who gets mad every once in a while, and yells at their children. I think all of us would admit to having done that.
When I’ve lost my temper with my children, as soon as I realized it, I have gone back to them and asked their forgiveness. I’ve never had a child respond to my apology in a negative way. Kids are very forgiving, and mine would always throw their arms around my neck, and say “I forgive you Mommy!”, and “I love you.”
In this post, I’m talking about those who are angry more often than not, and those who don’t go back and apologize when they’ve responded in anger.
1. Anger (in the parents) is one of the biggest causes of rebellion in our children.
2. When we repeatedly treat our kids harshly and don’t make it right, it will cause them to harbor hurt and bitterness, and that will in turn cause them to close their hearts to us.
3. When we lose their hearts, we no longer have the opportunity to influence them.
4. Anger doesn’t address the heart issue and confuses the learning process.
Instead of the child thinking about the fact that they did something wrong, they think they are in trouble for upsetting us. Their focus then changes from correcting what they did wrong to avoid your anger. The behavior may change temporarily, but it’s not going to be a lasting change because the heart issue wasn’t addressed.
5. When we appeal to our children on the basis of love, rather than relying upon fear of our authority, their response will be much different.
When we “intimidate them into subjection” (by our anger) we will only get outward compliance. Our goal should be to win their hearts into submission.
6. Anger is contagious! If one, or both, parents have an angry spirit, there’s a pretty good chance that your kids have a little bit of one too.
How can I be a less angry parent? As Christian parents who are striving hard to raise our children for God, anger can be the biggest obstacle that stands in our way. The Bible tells us “be ye angry and sin not,” so the anger itself isn’t the issue. It’s how we respond to that anger.
Staying close to God and keeping His Word in your heart and mind will help you if this an area where you struggle.
Don’t try to win the battle in your own strength. Look to God’s Word for answers, and seek His help daily in prayer.
8 Responses
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Sharon, it’s something that takes time and work, as habits are hard to change. Glad you are working hard on it, and seeking God’s help!
God bless you for this post. This is something I’m working very hard on by Gods grace. Thank you
Thank you I will look into that book. Praying and trusting God. Thank you for your help.
Jennie, it is never too late! Pull your kids together and talk about the problem, and let them know you are asking God to help you with your anger. Let them know you are sorry, and that you know it has caused them to develop an angry spirit as well. A book I love for this topic is “Good and Angry! Exchanging Frustration For Character.” It will help you, and also give you ideas to help the kids with their anger.
This makes me cry just reading thank you. I have seen how it hurts your child’s heart. Yes apologies help, but there is still damage, and that is how they see to deal with struggles. I feel like I have failed as a mom when I see there anger. God and his word is the only thing to fix a hard heart. It’s a slow process. I see how it has also pulled them away from God and his word. I know it is not to late and we work threw it together the right way. Only if I could turn back the clocks and start over. Thank you for your wisdom.
Darla, I LOVE that post! Hands Free mama has so many really GOOD posts that I (and other moms) can relate to. Thanks for sharing the link!
http://www.handsfreemama.com/2015/01/12/the-3-second-pause-that-can-save-a-morning-spare-some-pain/
Saw your comment the other day and wanted to share this link. Hope it helps! With God, all things are possible. Never give up!