Quick Summary: When your kids are hurting (whether from physical hurt or emotional hurt), it can leave parents feeling helpless. This post offers 10 practical, faith-filled ways to comfort, support, and guide your children—plus simple answers to common questions like what to say when your child is hurting, calming techniques to teach children, and how parents can model healthy emotional expression.
It’s hard to know what to do when your kids are hurting. As moms, we tend to hurt right along with them as we watch them go through difficult situations. I’m not talking about the typical physical hurts, like cuts and bruises, but rather the emotional hurts that life can bring: Watching them go through difficult situations that break their hearts. Situations that don’t seem fair. Situations that seem overwhelming and unbearable to them.
Usually, these are things that I have no control over, which makes it harder. Because as a mom, I want to protect my kids from hurt. And nothing hurts more than seeing your child in pain. However, I have to remember that going through trials is one of the best ways for them to grow and learn.
10 Things To Do When Your Kids Are Hurting
God uses trials to strengthen and refine us. And although He allows pain in my children’s lives, I can trust that His reasons are good.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” —Romans 8:28 (ESV)
Here are 10 ways I’ve learned to respond when my kids are hurting:
1. Cry with them
The Bible says to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). When it’s your child, this comes naturally. Don’t underestimate the healing power of your shared tears.
2. Hug and hold them
Sometimes the best comfort is simply holding your child until the sobbing slows. Be physically present; love is often felt most deeply through presence, not words.
Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Pain
3. Listen carefully
Sometimes the best comfort is simply holding your child until the sobbing slows. Be physically present; love is often felt most deeply through presence, not words.
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4. Hold back words of instruction or reproof (for now)
They may be words I need to speak to them, but NOT at that time! This is a time when they need comfort and understanding. The teaching can wait till there has been some healing.
How do you talk to kids when they are upset?
5. Point them to God
I tell my kids that I know they are hurting, but “No one understands like Jesus”. So I remind them to go to Him and pour out their tears, anger, questions, hurt, and whatever else they may be feeling. God already knows what they are thinking/feeling, but bringing it to Him helps them release some of the emotions, rather than holding on to them and getting bitter, or staying angry or hurt.
I often remind my kids of the verse, “Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us”. (Psalm 62:8)
Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Pain
6. Suggest calming music
Music will help soothe their hurting spirit, and Godly music will remind them that He is in control. He can be trusted. He sees their hurt; He cares.
How Do You Talk to Kids When They Are Upset?
7. Spend extra time together
I try to spend extra time with them, and do something special, like go out for breakfast, or a shopping trip. That normally includes buying some chocolate, since chocolate makes everything seem better!
Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids
Passionate Parenting: Enjoying the Journey of Parenting TeensSolving A Crisis in Christian Parenting: Why so many prodigals?[(Child Training Tips : What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)] [By (author) Reb Bradley] published on (August, 2014)
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How Do You Support A Sibling When They Hurt?
8. Encourage sibling support
Sometimes siblings are the best comfort. Remind brothers and sisters to show extra patience, kindness, and love.
My youngest daughter wrote this poem because she saw her older sister was going through a very hard time:
There’s just something about
Having your sister there
When everything is falling apart
When life seems so unfair
Tho we’re all very different
Tho we have our silly fights
We’re there when it matters
There thru the darkest nights
Tho we have our different opinions
Tho we’ll never see eye to eye
When one is hurting we’re there
Even if to just sit by you while you cry
Tho we may say hurtful things
We always care for one another
On each other, we never give up
We’re just like birds of a feather
When Your Child Is Hurting, Give It To God
9. Pray for them!
I pray for my kids daily, but when they’re going through a hard time, it’s on my mind, and I keep bringing them and their needs before the Lord whenever I think about it.
10. Pray with them in the moment
I have found that when none of the above things work, and I’m at a loss for words, the best thing I can do is pray for them as I’m hugging them.
Recently, my daughter has been going through some difficulties and just cries and cries. When I’m not able to comfort her, I just start praying out loud. (often crying along with her as I pray)
- I ask the Lord to comfort her as only He can and thank Him that He loves her even more than I do.
- I ask Him to help her to feel His comfort & love, and to help her rest in His love.
- I ask Him to heal the hurt and to draw her close to Him during the difficult time.
- Give the comfort that I can’t
- Help my daughter trust Him through the hard times, and
- Give her the strength she needs to get through.
After I finish praying, her spirit is much calmer, the sobbing calms, and I can tell she is feeling a little more like she can go on with God’s help.
I’m so glad that as Christian parents we have a God we can turn to not only for our needs, but also the needs of our children. I’m especially grateful that He knows what is best for them, and in the words of the songwriter, “When we don’t understand His plan, we can trust His heart.”
FAQs About Helping Kids Through Pain
What are some calming techniques to teach children?
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Deep breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth)
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Naming emotions instead of bottling them
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Gentle physical activity like walking or stretching
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Prayer or journaling feelings to God
What to say when your child is hurting?
Start with empathy: “I can see this is really hard for you.” Remind them of your love and God’s care. Avoid rushing to fix; sometimes silence and presence say the most.
How can I help my child build resilience after a setback?
Encourage reflection on what they learned, celebrate their efforts, and remind them that failures don’t define them. Share stories from your own life where God brought good from struggle.
How can parents model healthy emotional expression?
Show your kids it’s okay to feel and process emotions. Pray out loud, talk about how you handle stress, and admit when you need God’s help too.
Final Thoughts
As parents, we may feel helpless when our kids are hurting, but God never leaves them—or us—alone in the pain. These ten simple steps can help you walk alongside your child with comfort, presence, and faith while pointing them back to the One who heals hearts.
Quick Takeaways
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Cry with your child and share their pain
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Offer physical comfort through hugs and presence
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Listen deeply, not just to words but to feelings
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Hold back advice until the right time
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Point your child to God as their refuge
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Suggest calming, uplifting music
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Spend extra time together in small ways
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Encourage sibling support and understanding
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Pray for your child daily
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Pray with them in the moment of pain
More Resources for Helping Kids Handle Hurt
- How do you teach children about disappointment?
- How can I help my child with friend problems?
- How to Comfort A Child Who Is Upset
- 10 Tips for Raising Well Rounded Christian Children
What are some ways you help your children when they are hurting?
