As I wrapped up 31 years of homeschooling, I couldn’t help but reflect on the journey—its joys, challenges, and the lessons I learned along the way. If I had the chance to do it all over again, here’s a quick look at what I would do differently:
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Prioritize my personal health to avoid burnout and overwhelm
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Stress less about when my kids “got it” with phonics or math—readiness really does matter
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Focus more on relationship than rigid rule-following
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Let go of comparison and curriculum guilt
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Win their hearts, not just their compliance
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Take breaks when needed—and always lead with grace
These mindset shifts made homeschooling more joyful, sustainable, and heart-centered.
It was an incredible season of life—one I wouldn’t trade for anything. But like anything that matters deeply, it came with lessons I wish I had learned sooner.
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If you’re just getting started—or right in the thick of it—I hope these reflections offer encouragement and give you the clarity that only time and experience can bring. My husband and I made many changes along the way, and though we weren’t perfect, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat… just with a little more rest and a lot more grace.
Here Are 3 Things I Would Do Differently In Homeschooling
1. I would take better care of myself
As a young mom, I was able to get away with staying up late, getting up during the night with babies, and getting up early with toddlers. I was tired, as all busy moms are, but I was able to do what I needed to each day. However, I failed to remember that my energy was finite, and that eventually those nights of not getting the sleep I needed would catch up with me! This showed up in various ways:
- Chronic fatigue
- Stressed adrenal glands
- Physical, emotional, & mental burnout
I had stopped exercising regularly because I just didn’t feel that I had the time. There were always better or more important things to do! This led to weakened muscles and low stamina. The fatigue and burnout led me to depression, and often I felt like I was failing as a mom, wife, and homeschool parent! Due to being so tired, often I would fall into bed at night and realize that I hadn’t even spent time with God & His Word that day.
At that point, I realized that I HAD to take time for self-renewal. I needed to adjust things so I could get the rest I needed, spend time with God daily, and renew my spirit, mind, and body.
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What is homeschool burnout?
This required making some changes in how I managed my time, and I had to pretty much stop all outside activities. I had allowed myself to be too busy as a mom! I realized that having every minute of every day booked was stressful not only for me, but also for the kids. We all needed time to just be home, where we could relax and be together as a family. I also started to take a break now and then with some friends.
It’s amazing what a little time away, laughing with some like-minded moms, will do for you! Laughter is good medicine. It was also encouraging to know that I wasn’t alone in some of my struggles, and we were able to encourage each other. (We all need good friends to encourage us on our parenting journey!) As I took those steps, it helped me improve mentally and have clearer, more focused thinking, as well as more positive thoughts.
Why is homeschooling so stressful?
Fatigue will always lead to negative thoughts, such as:
- I’m not doing a good job – my kids would be better off in school.
- I’m such a bad Mom – I never have the energy to play with the kids.
- I can’t handle this anymore
- Other moms are doing so much more than me, and so much better!
Remember that everything seems worse when you are fatigued. When I find myself unhappy and overwhelmed, I have learned to stop and speak truth to myself. Many times I tell myself, “You’re tired. Don’t think about this till you get some rest.” After rest, things usually don’t look so insurmountable. The biggest motivation for taking care of myself is the fact that if I am burned out and can’t function, I will lose my ability to do what God has called me to do. I wish I hadn’t had to learn that the hard way!
2. I would stress much less about WHEN a child “got” it with reading or math
I would focus on making learning fun and waiting until they were ready. Each child’s readiness comes at a different age, and they learn in different ways. If I had known that when I first started teaching the kids, it would have saved me many hours of tears and frustration (mine and the kids!).
How can homeschooling be less stressful?
I want my kids to enjoy learning, but they will dislike learning if I keep pushing them when they aren’t ready and don’t get it. Also, if I use a curriculum that doesn’t work with their learning style, it will be much more frustrating for both of us. It’s okay to change curriculum partway through your school year if it just isn’t working for you or your child! I learned that just because child 1 did well with a curriculum, child 2 or 3 may have a different learning style and not do well with that curriculum at all. Don’t let the curriculum be your master, but remember it is a tool.
How can I improve homeschooling?
Over time, I realized that it doesn’t hurt to take a break from phonics if my child just didn’t seem ready, and wasn’t getting it. Often switching to some informal games with learning letters did more, and eliminated stress. Then a month or two later, they were ready to try again. The same thing goes with math! Don’t let math ruin your homeschool.
If your child isn’t ready to look at the next concept in the math curriculum, go back to something that they do understand and have mastery of, to give them confidence. In the meantime, play math learning games that aren’t intense, and make learning (and Math) fun again.
Later, go back to that challenging concept and see if they are ready for it after a little break. It’s better to put it aside for a time, do some learning games that aren’t intense, and then try the subject again a few weeks later.
3. I would focus less on making sure the rules were being obeyed.
I would focus more on building the relationship that would make them want to obey those rules! Rules are necessary, but as the saying goes, “Rules without relationship breed rebellion.” It is easy to strive for compliance while forgetting the relationship that will bring that compliance.
Because of our strong desire to be good parents, in our attempt to be firm, we were often too harsh. The relationship with our kids was damaged as a result of the harshness. We learned that it worked much better when we appealed to our children on the basis of love, rather than intimidation.
A similar error was that we tried to protect them from wrong-wrong activities, wrong influences, wrong friendships — all while failing to befriend them the way we should ourselves. We neglected nurturing our relationship with them, and seeking to make heart ties.
What makes homeschooling successful?
In order to develop a relationship that would bring compliance, we realized the importance of spending time with them and being available when they wanted to talk. Showing an interest in the things they were interested in our excited about opened the doors of communication, and brought a closer relationship. It was important to accept them for who they were and let them know we loved them.
That, in turn, leads to winning their hearts, which brings the desire for them to please us. It is much better to work hard at winning and keeping their hearts than trying to repair damage and win their heart back. (By the way, I believe that keeping our children’s hearts is the most important thing we can do as parents!) If you’ve ever ended your homeschool day feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or like you’re getting it all wrong, you’re not alone.
Every homeschool mom has those days, even after 31 years. But the good news? You’re growing, too. Homeschooling isn’t about perfection. It’s about being faithful with what God has entrusted to you and learning right alongside your kids. Grace for them. Grace for you. Growth for everyone.
If these 3 Things I’d Do Differently If I Homeschooled Again encouraged you, I’d love to know which part resonated most. Feel free to leave a comment or share this post with a friend who could use the reminder that it’s okay to learn as you go.
More Homeschooling Encouragement
- Secrets to Finding Time With God as a Homeschooling Mom
- Intentional Living Challenge for Busy Moms
- Common Causes of Homeschool Burnout
- 6 Tips To Help a Child Who Struggles With Math
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