Parenting is a joyful, challenging, rewarding, and s.t.r.e.t.c.h.i.n.g journey, isn’t it? It’s made even more complicated by the fact that we are imperfect parents who have our own struggles to wrestle with.
We sometimes sin and do the very things that we tell our children not to do. There are times when we’re irritable, selfish, don’t choose our words wisely, and more.
It turns out, we’re human, and live with the same fallen nature our children do. So then, how can we truly teach and disciple our children for the Lord? How can we instill character, guide their thinking, and help them make right choices, when we ourselves fall so short?
The good news is that God doesn’t require perfection from us—He calls us to be faithful.
Let’s explore some practical ways we can parent our children and point them to Christ in spite of (or even through) our imperfections.
Imperfect Parents: Discipling Your Kids When You’re Struggling
If you’re feeling challenged by the idea of parenting from a place of imperfection, or if you’re struggling with a particularly difficult season of life, here are important steps you can take toward effective discipleship.
1. Be in God’s Word Together
The most important thing you can do is to be in God’s Word together with your children.
It doesn’t have to be fancy or complicated. And it’s ok if you drop the ball on occasion. But it’s the #1 thing that will help you disciple your children.
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Here are a few reasons why:
- Models the importance of going to God’s Word for wisdom and instruction.
- Encourages open dialogue between you about important issues of faith.
- You’ll both learn what God says about sin, grace, temptation, forgiveness, etc.
- Does a work in you and in your child. God’s Word is living and active!
Here are some easy ways to incorporate Bible reading into your day:
- Snuggle on the couch and read it together first thing in the morning.
- Take turns reading aloud from Scripture during breakfast or another mealtime.
- Listen to an audio version of the Bible in the car.
- Memorize Scripture together, taking time each morning to practice.
- Go through a Bible study or Bible curriculum together.
- Read and discuss a passage before bedtime.
If you’re looking for some good Bible teaching resources, these are some of my favorites.
2. Point Them to the Character of Christ
The answer to all of life’s struggles — external circumstances or matters of the heart — is to turn to Jesus. When it comes to sin struggles in particular, we teach our children to consider the character of Christ.
- Jesus is the only One who lived a perfect, sinless life
- He was tempted with every temptation but did not sin
- He used the Word of God to overcome temptation
- He had great compassion for sinners, calling them to repentance and forgiveness
Christian parents often talk about teaching their children character or doing character training. And rightly so! It’s an important part of their discipleship and spiritual formation.
Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids
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But the key, I think, is to make it clear to them that we’re teaching them about Christ’s character. Imperfect parents and their imperfect children must look to the Perfect and Holy One for grace, forgiveness, and a model of righteous living.
We want to become more and more like Jesus, and that is something that only the Holy Spirit can work in our hearts. Those who have put their faith in Jesus as their Savior submit their lives to Him, and the Holy Spirit works in them, through the process of sanctification, to help them become more and more like Christ.
In addition to the resources here at Character Corner, here are some good materials to help teach your children about godly character.
3. Share the Gospel with Them Often
The gospel should be shared in our homes daily. Christian parents who love the Lord want to see their children put their faith in Christ and walk in obedience to Him.
Again, this is something that only the Holy Spirit can work in their hearts, but as parents, we are called to faithfully disciple our children and share the gospel message with them.
The gospel message is meant for more than those altar call moments. We all need to hear the gospel every day. It should be on the tip of our tongue so that, in any of the struggles our children face, we can point to Christ and the hope we have in Him.
When we share the gospel with our children (or remind ourselves of it), we are imparting profound truths:
- Identity: We were created in God’s image, made for a purpose, and are deeply loved by Him. “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession.” (1 Peter 2:9)
- Forgiveness: God forgives those who repent, and helps us forgive others, too. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- Hope: No matter what happens, God sees us, hears us, and loves us, and those who put their faith in Him will be with Him forever. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
- Guidance: Believers have the help of the Holy Spirit and God’s Word to guide our thoughts and actions when we submit ourselves to Him. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105)
- Peace: We can experience peace and confidence because we trust that God is in control and has our best interests in mind. “Do not be anxious about anything… And the peace of God… will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7)
- Belonging: Those who belong to Christ are also a part of God’s family. We are never alone when we are in Christ! “So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” (Romans 12:5)
- Purpose: God has a plan for our lives and wants us to live with purpose, sharing the gospel with others, serving each other, and giving glory to God in all we do. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)
- Strength: When we are weak or afraid we can rely on God’s strength and trust Him to work out all things for His good purposes. If He calls us to a task, He will help us do it. “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
- Transformation: Those who have faith in Christ have the Holy Spirit living in them, transforming them day by day into the likeness of Christ. He will do that work in us until the day we meet him face-to-face and are perfected! “And we all… are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)
- Joy: Believers have a deep, abiding joy no matter what life brings, rooted in the knowledge of God’s love and grace. “For the joy of the Lord is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)
How to Keep the Gospel Central in Your Home
First, gather your children at the dinner table on occasion and actually teach them the gospel message, discussing the meaning and implications of each piece. (Look to verses such as these, too: 1 Corinthians 15:1-4, Romans 10:9-13, Ephesians 2:8-9, 1 John 4:9-10)
“What is the gospel? It is the good news that God loved us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to save those who put their faith in Him.
Jesus lived the perfect, sinless life, and then willingly died on the cross to take OUR sins upon Himself. Then He rose again, conquering sin and death and offering forgiveness and eternal life to those who believe in Him!
When we put our faith in Christ as our Savior and confess with our mouth that He is Lord, we are reconciled to God, freed from the power of sin, and have hope of everlasting life with Him!”
Then, think about the ways you can remind them (and yourself) of the gospel in daily life – when they get into conflicts, struggle with recurring sin, or are feeling anxious, discouraged, or alone. These reminders are important whether they’re saved or not. Either way, they need Jesus!
Examples:
- Conflicts: “I know you’re frustrated. When things like this happen, we need Jesus. What would have been a better choice for your part of this conflict? Let’s pray together and ask for Jesus’ help and forgiveness, then go find your brother and make things right.”
- Recurring sin: “We are slaves to sin without Jesus. It hurts us and our relationships with God and other people. We need Christ in order to be free from sin and live free in Him! Jesus died to save us from our sins. When we put our faith in Him, He forgives us and gives us the Holy Spirit to help us make right choices. God says He always gives us a way out of temptation. Let’s pray and ask Him for help.”
- Anxious, discouraged, alone: “Those who belong to Christ are never alone. Let’s pray for His peace and encouragement for you, and guidance on how to handle this difficult situation. He cares about you and has a plan for you that is so good! We can trust Him with our hard feelings and problems.”
Of course, use your own words, and connect to the issue your child is struggling with!
I have a note on my phone that I add to over time, filled with ways to share the gospel with my kids like this so that I don’t forget in the moment. It might seem awkward or forced at first, but soon, it will sound and feel more natural as you practice.
4. Be Honest About Your Own Struggles
It may be tempting to put on a brave face and hide our struggles from our children, but being honest about our challenges can actually help them a great deal.
Of course, we don’t need to overburden them with our “adult” problems, but there are times when being vulnerable with them is much more instructive than pretending we have it all together.
For example, my children know that I struggle with irritability and anger. With the Lord’s help, I’ve come a long way over the years, but I’m still far from perfect. They have watched me practice the *hard* path of humility, and have seen numerous examples of what it looks like to apologize well, ask for forgiveness, and make a proactive effort toward change.
They have also heard me pray over this issue, too, asking for a changed heart and the strength to take the way out of temptation that God offered me in each situation. They have heard me thank God for His mercy and grace as he’s worked in my life and brought about good fruit.
Every time we show our children what it looks like to wrestle with sin (laziness, gossip, selfishness, irritability, a critical spirit etc.) and continually turn to God, it is an antidote to hypocrisy and pride — both in them and in us.
Pray and ask God for wisdom about this. Perhaps there’s an appropriate struggle you could share with your children about, allowing them more inside glimpses of your journey of sanctification.
5. Be Discipled Together
In parenting, we often think that we have to know everything to teach our children the Bible and disciple them for Christ. But that is far from the truth! We can be discipled together by Jesus through the Word of God.
Back when all my oldest children were little and I had only been a Christian for a few years, one of the best pieces of advice I was given was to teach my children about God by learning with them. It’s ok not to know the answer to everything. We can go to God’s Word and find out together!
I often say to my children (especially the tweens and teens) that we’re all being discipled together by Christ. Their parents don’t know everything and we’re not perfect. (Of course, they know that, but they are relieved to hear it from us.)
We all make mistakes. We all fall short of the glory of God. But what we DO know is based on what God’s Word says, and we can learn and grow together!
6. “Borrow Parenting”
Over the years, the Lord has built a community of more experienced Christian parents around us who have offered so much wisdom, encouragement, and practical advice.
In that way, we “borrow parenting” from them, learning the ways of Christian parenting and Christ-centered living that we didn’t experience growing up. Now we are doing the same for younger parents in need of that same support!
Another way we “borrow parenting” is by bringing these amazing individuals into our children’s lives in a more direct way. We help our older children connect with men and women who will encourage them in the Lord, give them words of wisdom, have coffee or lunch with them to chat about life, etc. (Side note: It’s even a great way to help them learn practical skills we do not know how to teach, such as sewing or auto repair.)
Of course, we are the most important teachers and guides in our children’s lives. But because we know how valuable the body of Christ is in this way, we reach out and keep connected with these godly parents as much as we can.
You can find individuals like this through church, camps, Bible study groups, homeschool groups, and so on. And if you’re struggling to find them, don’t give up!
7. Pray for Them and With Them
Prayer is a powerful tool in parenting, especially when we’re feeling overwhelmed. In fact, it’s one of the most impactful things we can do for our children!
God can work in our children’s lives in ways we cannot! Prayer also teaches our children to rely on God and seek His guidance in all things.
Incorporate prayer into your family’s daily routine. Pray with your children before meals, at bedtime, or when they’re facing a challenge. Teach them specific prayers for different situations, such as prayers for patience, wisdom, or courage.
- Tips for finding time for prayer as a busy mom
- Free resources to help you and your children pray the Scripture together
8 Trust the Lord with the Results
No matter what doubts and struggles you’re having as a parent, I want you to remember that you CAN do this. You are not only cut out for this, but the Lord specifically chose you to teach and train your children. And the Lord doesn’t make mistakes.
Yes, you’ll fall short.
Yes, there will be gaps.
Yes, you’ll sometimes have doubts and get overwhelmed.
It’s ok! (I promise.) Go ahead and expect those moments, and then choose to rest in the fact that the Lord will equip you for the work! He will fill the gaps! He will bring about His good purposes because He is God!
Our job isn’t to be the perfect parent, friends. Our job is to point ourselves and our children to the perfect Savior.
May He bless your efforts! ❤️
~ Tauna
Tauna Meyer is the founder of ProverbialHomemaker.com and a homeschooling mom of six. Her goal is to provide relatable encouragement and realistic, practical tools to bless moms! Tauna has a particular passion for helping moms overcome the hurdles that keep them from homeschooling successfully, all while pointing themselves and their children to Christ. She and her husband, Aaron, also serve on the leadership team for the Oregon Christian Home Education Association Network (OCEANetwork), working to encourage families and helping to protect and expand homeschool freedoms in Oregon.
