Quick Summary: Dealing with Angry Husbands
Struggling with an angry spouse can feel isolating and painful, but there is hope. Learning how to approach your husband with patience, prayer, and grace can help bring peace back into your home. In this post, you’ll discover practical and biblical steps for dealing with angry husbands, including how to respond wisely, support your children, and encourage healing in your family relationships.
Bulleted Overview of Main Points
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Don’t try to change your husband — Focus on your own heart first and pray for God to work in his.
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Ask God for timing and wisdom — Share your concerns gently and at the right time.
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Support your children — Talk with them about their dad’s anger while reinforcing his love and hard work.
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Encourage reconciliation — Help your kids express love and appreciation toward their dad through kind words or notes.
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Work on growth together — Suggest resources like books, podcasts, or courses about overcoming anger—with humility and teamwork.
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Pray consistently — Intercede for your husband daily and invite God’s healing into your marriage.
Not many people like to talk about dealing with angry husbands. An angry spouse can make life difficult and damage the family system.
But there is hope! Being aware of what is causing the anger, having some patience, and doing some hard work can help your family overcome the anger that has seeped into it.
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The Challenge of Dealing With Angry Husbands
One of my popular talks at conferences is Winning the Heart of Your Child. One of the things I mention and talk about is the problem of parental anger.
I discuss the fact that when a parent has an angry spirit toward the child, and doesn’t make it right, it usually causes the child to close their heart to that parent, and often nudges them towards a path of rebellion.
After my session was over at one conference, a mom came and asked me a question, while 3 or 4 other moms were standing there.
She told me that her husband has an anger problem, resulting in harshness towards the kids, and she wanted to know what she could or should do about it.
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The other moms standing near commented that they had the same situation and weren’t sure how to handle it. I don’t claim to be a pro about this, but here is what I suggested to these dear ladies.
1. Don’t try to change your husband.
It never works. Pray that God will change you, and that your heart and attitude will be right.
Then you can ask God to reveal to your husband how his anger is hurting his relationship with the kids.
How do you love an angry man?
2. Ask God to open the door for you to share your concern with your husband at the right time, and in the right way.
Then he told me that even though he doesn’t like to hear when he’s messed up with the kids, he has given his wife the freedom to tell him if she notices him being too harsh or over-reacting.
Even the husband will admit he doesn’t like dealing with angry husbands. (Meaning himself!)
That made sense to me. Our husbands want to be good dads and feel bad when they mess up, just like we do as moms.
However, if your husband hasn’t given you that invitation to point things out to him, then IF you do, it should be very rare and worded carefully.
How do you respond to an angry husband?
3. When you see your kids are hurt by the angry responses of their dad, talk to them about it.
My husband came from a family of 14 kids, and his dad was an angry, harsh man. He loved the kids. He worked hard to care for them, but affection was never shown.
Therefore, my husband has had struggles with an angry spirit and with showing affection to the kids.
He has mentioned to me at times how bad he felt after he had responded or reacted with anger. When he realized he had done it, he would normally go and apologize to them and make things right.
There were times when he wasn’t aware or had meant to apologize but hadn’t yet. In those moments, I made a point of talking to my kids about what happened.
Rather than saying anything negative about him, I focused on reminding them how deeply their dad loved them. I also talked about how hard he works every day to provide for our family.
To help them process their feelings, I encouraged the kids to remember his love and to go to him when they felt hurt—to share honestly how his words or reactions had affected them.
Through this, I wanted them to learn how to approach someone who has offended them, knowing that their dad’s heart was tender and that he would make things right once he understood their hurt.
By the way, it’s important that we stand together as a team, and don’t criticize our husbands to our kids. (or anyone!) Undermining your husband will in turn undermine your own authority, and if you disrespect him to the kids, they will do the same.
4. Have them write him a little note expressing their love for him and their appreciation for his hard work to provide for them.
This helps take their focus off the hurt and onto encouraging and showing love to him.
Dealing with angry husbands means you have to point out the issue, but also emphasize their good character traits. Acknowledge how your kids are hurt by the anger, but help them learn how to deal with it in the right way — go to their Dad about it.
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones so they don’t become bitter and focus on the negative only.
How do I deal with a short-tempered husband?
5. If your husband is aware of his anger issue and how it is hurting relationships in the family, ask him if he’d be willing to read a book, watch a video, or listen to a podcast about anger.
Again, be very careful how you word it. In fact, you could even mention how you need it as well.
Usually, when the husband is angry, it kind of rubs off a little on the wife, and she picks up that angry spirit to a lesser degree. Admitting your need for help in this area might open him up to working together on it.
How to Deal with Angry Husbands – Key Takeaways
1. Don’t try to change him.
You can’t change your husband—but God can. Focus on maintaining your own gentle spirit and attitude, and pray for God to soften his heart.
2. Pray for the right timing.
Ask God to show you when and how to share your concern. When he’s calm and receptive, gently express how his anger affects the family.
3. Support your kids with grace.
If your children are hurt by their dad’s anger, talk to them privately. Remind them that their father loves them and works hard for them. Encourage forgiveness and understanding.
4. Build connection instead of criticism.
Teach your kids to approach their dad lovingly—maybe through a short note of appreciation or a hug. Positive reinforcement can begin softening a hard heart.
5. Grow together in humility.
If your husband is open, suggest learning together—through a book, sermon, or course on overcoming anger. Admit your own need to grow, too.
6. Pray without ceasing.
Prayer is the most powerful tool for healing your marriage. Commit to praying for your husband daily and trust God to transform his heart.
More Resources for Dealing With Angry Husbands
- Are You An Angry Parent? (Post)
- Overcoming Anger God’s Way (Book)
- Overcoming Anger God’s Way Online Course
I hope these thoughts will be a help for you if you are dealing with an angry husband and looking for answers.
One of the best things you can do for your husband (whether he struggles with anger or not) is pray for him! Join the challenge below and commit to praying for your husband daily for 30 days.
