Quick Summary: Ways We Push Our Kids Away (and How to Avoid It)
When it comes to parenting, there are many ways we push our kids away without even realizing it. These small habits can slowly damage the bond we’ve worked so hard to build—and even affect our child’s spiritual growth. In this post, we’ll explore 7 common ways parents unintentionally push their kids away and practical, Biblical ways to strengthen that relationship instead.
You’ll learn:
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The subtle actions that can distance your child from you
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How to shift from control to connection as they grow up
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Biblical principles that help you keep their heart
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Practical steps to rebuild and protect your relationship
Why This Matters
As Christian parents, our desire is for our children to love the Lord, serve Him, and remain faithful into adulthood. But even with the best intentions, it’s easy to slip into patterns that create distance.
Part of training a child in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6, ESV) means setting an example that draws them closer—not just to us, but to God. That’s why we must recognize when our approach is pushing them away and take steps to repair the relationship.
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Ways to Avoid Pushing Your Child Away From You
How Do We Unintentionally Push Our Kids Away? Honestly, one of the hardest things for parents to do is let go and let their kids grow up. It’s easy to fall into the trap of continuing to treat them like when they were younger, and try to control their every move. The result? They begin to resist us and push us away. (7 Mistakes Parents Make With Older Kids)
Sometimes it’s not about one big mistake—it’s about the little daily interactions that add up. I’ve seen parents who were too controlling, and I’ve seen the effect: their kids began to resist, withdraw, and even question their faith.
When kids feel they can’t meet our expectations, they may assume God feels the same way—waiting to punish rather than embracing them with grace. That’s why our words, tone, and approach matter so much.
From my observation of parents who push too hard (and maybe a little experience!), I give you this list of what not to do when your son or daughter is pulling away from you. How are parents pushing their child away?
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Here Are 7 Ways We Push Our Kids Away
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Treating them like a child when they’ve grown up – Failing to recognize their maturity can make them feel undervalued.
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Responding negatively to everything they share – This can shut down communication.
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Assuming the worst about them – Instead, choose to give the benefit of the doubt.
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Publicly criticizing them – Private correction preserves dignity.
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Being overly judgmental about non-Biblical preferences – Keep the focus on Scripture, not personal opinions.
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Presenting God as a punisher rather than a loving Father – Share the truth of His grace and patience (Psalm 103:8, ESV).
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Ignoring small spiritual steps – Acknowledge progress instead of only pointing out what’s missing.
Obviously, none of us wants to be the parent who pushes our child away. We want to keep the hearts of our children and continue to encourage them into their adult years.
Here are some positive things to do to keep the parent-child relationship strong:
1. Quit trying to control them. Come alongside and encourage.
2. If they are young adults, treat them as adults.
3. Don’t try to push them to have every standard and conviction you have. Rather, encourage them to have a relationship with God and to love His Word.
4. Support, encourage, and show an interest in them regardless of whether or not you approve of their every decision.
5. Love them for who they are, and as God would.
6. Don’t ever talk badly about your kids to others. It’s humiliating to them and disloyal. Talk to GOD about it!
As parents, we need to guard our relationship with our kids and work extra hard to maintain those heart ties as they begin to navigate the years leading to adulthood. Ask God to show you if you are making mistakes that are pushing your kids away, and always seek to keep their hearts.
Bulleted Overview of How to Avoid Pushing Your Kids Away
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Treating grown kids like children can create distance
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Constant negativity discourages communication
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Assuming the worst erodes trust
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Public criticism damages dignity and respect
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Judgment over non-Biblical matters shifts focus from God’s truth
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Portraying God as only punitive distorts His character
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Ignoring small spiritual steps misses chances to encourage
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Encourage independence with guidance
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Treat young adults with respect
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Support them even when you disagree
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Avoid gossip; bring concerns to God
A Biblical Perspective on Parenting Without Pushing Away
Our relationship with our kids is worth guarding fiercely. Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) reminds parents: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
When we choose encouragement over control, listening over lecturing, and grace over judgment, we create a safe space for our kids to grow—both in independence and in faith.
Avoiding these ways we push our kids away takes intentionality, but the reward of a close, lasting bond is worth every effort.
Resources for Parenting Mistakes that Push Kids Away:
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