Why is it so hard to just say YES toy our kids? “No” seems to come forth so much easier, doesn’t it?
And isn’t that also one of the first words that our kids learn to say?
“NO!” was one of the first words my kids learned as toddlers (Usually said very emphatically too!) No one had to teach them to say that.
We worked hard to get them to say “Mama” and “Dada”. We spent time encouraging them to say “love you!”. What a joy it was each time they would repeat these words that we’d been trying to get them to say.
However, it was not such a joy the first time the word “No!” came out of their mouth!
It shouldn’t have been a surprise to us, considering how often while training them, we used that word.
When they started to touch something they shouldn’t, we said “No!” When they started going towards the bottom step to climb up, we said “No!”
It’s necessary as moms to use the word “no”, so we can keep our kids from situations where they can get hurt.
The potential problem though is that in saying “no” so many times throughout the day, we let it become a habit. This habit carries over well past the training stage.
It’s easy to just say start saying no to many of their requests.
I still remember the first time I realized how quick I was to say no to the kids.
It was the first snow of the winter, and of course, the kids all wanted to go out and play in the snow. They asked eagerly if they could go out, and in my mind I didn’t see happy kids having fun in the snow. I saw all the time involved in putting on snowsuits, hats, mittens, and boots.
Then I envisioned the piles of wet snowsuits, mittens, hats, and boots that would soon be all over my kitchen floor.
So I said “No. Not right now.” (meaning, probably not that day)
I saw their little faces fall, and immediately felt bad realizing how quickly they lost their excitement, simply because I didn’t want to be inconvenienced!
As I thought about it, I decided that it was time for me to quit being an up-tight Mom who never had patience or time to allow fun things.
Does that mean I started to say yes to every request my kids made? Of course not! But I did make it a goal to just say yes whenever I could.
Sometimes saying yes to the simplest thing will make their day — a walk around the block, eating lunch outside on a blanket, building a fort for them to play in, etc.
It might be a little bit inconvenient, but we need to let the kids have fun and be kids.
The smile on their faces makes the little bit of extra work, or the inconvenience worth it.
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Hi Amy! Sounds like you are in a very busy season right now, so I understand about trying to keep up with it all! I’m glad you take the time to train them though — the is so important! Things will settle back into a routine as the baby gets a little older, and you regain your strength. So hang in there! And when you can’t say YES right at the time of their request, you could always let them know you will let them do it (or do it with them) later that day. 🙂
I am SO guilty of this! Especially lately, with a new baby. The others are almost 8 yo, almost 5 yo, and 3 yo. The 5 yo and 3 yo can get into a lot of mischief if they aren’t watched like a hawk. I try to play games while I”m nursing the baby. But when the baby is down for a nap or content in the play pen, I have SO many chores! I can’t keep up! Training them takes up so much time and they don’t count that has a Yes.
Yes, I agree. I’ve had to be intentional in saying “yes” and stop looking at things through the lens of the burden it places on me.
Elizabeth, that is awesome! To be honest, I probably would have said NO! lol I can’t imagine 5 weeks in a van with all the kids! What a precious gift to your husband, and I’m sure there are many great memories for all of your family from that trip.
Hi Jacqui! I’m so glad that the Lord used my blog to encourage you! I know what it’s like to have those full, busy days, and feeling alone. I’ve been there! How sweet about your child’s joy when you said yes to playing the game. I really haven’t figured out why I often don’t “want” to say yes to the games, because I always enjoy them once we get started. Then I tell myself “You need to do this more often!”. 🙂
I was just thinking how this applies to our husbands too! One time in particular stands out in my mind when I wanted to say NO with all of my being, but I said YES instead — even though it meant a LOT of work and inconvenience to me! But I knew I was saying YES to a Dream of my husbands. He was actually SHOCKED that I said yes! 🙂 It ended up being challenging at times, it involved a lot of work and trouble and inconvenience for me, just as I imagined. It also meant long, tiring days in the van with 10 kids — but it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and an incredible adventure and memory maker for the entire family! What did I say Yes to? A 5 week trip across America, from coast to coast, packed in a 12 passengar van like sardines and pulling a pop-up camper!!! Am I glad I said yes?? You bet!!! 🙂
I totally agree! I also came to the point in my parenting where I realized I needed to say YES more! Thanks for sharing this post!
I am so glad I stumbled upon your website a month or so ago. I am a mother to five. Ages 13, 9, 5,3,2. We homeschool. You know the days are just full, and just when I was feeling alone the Lord used your blog to encourage me. I can relate to your post about saying Yes. About 2 weeks ago when one of my children asked me to set down and play a game with him, I said Yes! The look on his face was priceless, and that day I made a mental note that I wanted to be that kind of mom. Thanks for encouraging!