The Comparison Trap: Never compare your child with others

Is it OK to compare your child to others? It is so tempting to compare your child with someone else’s. Our natural instinct is to show our kids how they stack up against others, and we do so by commenting on their athletic abilities or academic achievements, or even their personality traits. But this isn’t a healthy habit for children; it can actually do more harm than good. We should never compare our children with others.

The Comparison Trap: Never compare your child with others

I often have trouble sleeping at night, and part of the trouble is that I can’t turn my mind off. Sure wish there was a switch. Have you ever felt the same? It seems like it’s on at night, but off during the day! I have had many of those nights. Often while lying there awake, my mind just keeps going and going. Then, I fall into the comparison trap!

What happens when you compare your child to others?

What is the comparison trap? The guilt by comparison trap! I found myself thinking about a post I had read earlier that day, and the more I thought about it, the more discouraged I felt. I started comparing what her kids did and thinking that my kids probably wouldn’t do that. This made me feel like I had failed in some areas of character training with my kids and made me feel guilty. After all, I speak on “Training Character Into your Children“!! How could I have let this happen? Discouragement immediately followed the guilt.

Why do I compare my child to others? At first, I didn’t realize what was happening, and let the thoughts and guilt take hold. But then it was as though God gently spoke to me, and that’s when it hit me! I was doing just what I caution parents about in many of my workshops, and getting sucked right into that comparison trap:

COMPARISON —–> GUILT —–> DISCOURAGEMENT

Immediately this verse that I often share came to my mind:

“For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” II Corinthians 10:12

Get Your Kids Excited About God's Word!
📖✨
4 Levels of FREE Bible reading plans designed to
capture your child’s heart
at any age.

We never share your information with third parties and will protect it in accordance with our Privacy Policy

God tells us here that is NOT wise to compare ourselves to each other. I would guess that is because He knows that it will take us on a downward spiral that ends in guilt and discouragement.

Also, He doesn’t want us to live our lives trying to do what others are doing, but rather seeking what He is telling us to do. So when you read something on social media or one of those great blog posts that starts you on a guilt trip stop!

How do you stop a comparison trap?

Rather than letting yourself fall into the comparison trap, ask yourself:

1. What you can learn from the post.

Affiliate Disclosure: This blog contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

2. What actions do you need to take after reading it.

3. What is one thing you can start working on. (rather than trying to start a lot of huge changes)

Let me give you an example of what I mean, to make this practical. I wrote a post called 7 Responses That Make Your Kids Stop Talking To You

Perhaps as you read that post you realized that you were indeed guilty of some of those wrong responses. It would be very easy to compare and think to yourself that you are a bad mom because of the way you respond to your kids. It’s easy to think that your friend(s) or the author or the post doesn’t struggle with this. We can begin to compare our children and assume that they would never say some of the things to their kids that you have said to yours. The truth is, we all struggle with many of the same things, but for some reason, we always look at others and think they would never have some of the same struggles we have!

If you allow yourself to continue on with the thought process, you will end up even more discouraged, and perhaps even think that you’ll never be “as good of a mother” as they are, etc.

Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids Passionate Parenting: Enjoying the Journey of Parenting Teens Solving A Crisis in Christian Parenting: Why so many prodigals?[(Child Training Tips : What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)] [By (author) Reb Bradley] published on (August, 2014)

How do you avoid comparison?

Instead, take the ideas I listed above. After reading the post, ask what you learned. (I have been responding wrong to my kids at times.) As you think and pray about it, you might decide you should take the following actions.

First, ask God to forgive you, and thank Him for bringing it to your attention.
Second, go and apologize to that child, and let them know you realize some of your responses have been wrong, and that you are going to try to do better.
Then choose the ONE that you are most guilty of, and start working on changing that one first.

Never compare your child with others

There are many wonderful blogs and social media posts out there to encourage us, and help us in our parenting, homeschooling, marriage, walk with the Lord. May I just remind you to read them with an awareness that they can lead to comparison and guilt, and to choose to learn and be encouraged from them instead!

"Because of the Intentional Living Course, I feel like there's a sense of order and peace to our days. The important things are done first, so if it all falls apart later, we're still ok!"

"These short lessons are perfect for younger children to process the information. his is a wonderful, affordable curriculum for teaching children Biblical character traits and I would highly recommend it."

This is a wonderful course for moms! I loved how Kathie encouraged me and inspired me to do better. She gave lots of opportunities to get in the Word to see what God has to say about anger, and told us specific ways we can change. I am so thankful for this course. And that God used it in my life.

The Comparison Trap: Never compare your child with others