How do I stop comparing as a mom?

Recently I was visiting with a lady from church. As we were talking she made the comment, “You’re such a good mom.” Wow! I didn’t know what to say. The truth is, often, I feel like I’m not a very good mother at all. I know I want to be the best I can be, after all, we only have one chance to teach and train our kids. But I can get stuck in comparing myself to other mothers.

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How do I stop comparing as a mom?

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What is it that will make us better mothers? Is it trying to do all the special fun things others do with their kids? Or is it giving our children lots of toys and clothes? If so, some of us would be unable to give as much or do as much, depending on our circumstances. That’s why it’s bad to judge ourselves as moms in comparison with other moms.

Instead, we need to do what will help us develop and grow as mothers.

Here are some things we can focus on to stop comparing ourselves to other moms

1. Seek God’s help and wisdom.

Raising children is a tremendous responsibility. We need to pray for wisdom.

Many times a day I stop to ask God for wisdom in dealing with the situations that arise. At times I’m just at a loss as to how to deal with the kids and as I pray, God will bring to mind a verse, or the words I need to say. Later I marvel, knowing I couldn’t have thought of that answer myself!

We also need to read God’s Word if we want to train our kids in God’s ways. I have found the book of Proverbs to be especially helpful, as it is the book of wisdom.

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2. Read good books about parenting.

I am always looking for books that will encourage me and challenge me to do what’s right; books that stress the importance of discipline; books that remind me of what a special job God has given me; books that give me ideas, not books that make me jump into to comparison cycle again. It’s easy to get tired and discouraged after days of endless discipline, diapers, etc. I need books that remind me of what God says is necessary and that motivates me to ‘keep on!’

Many moms say, “Well, I just don’t have time to read anymore.” I don’t have time either, but I make it. I squeeze it in whenever I can.

3. Listen to podcasts about being a good mother.

Again, the positive reinforcement we receive from these can be an inspiration to us to strive to be our best. (You can listen to quite a few if you get in the habit of listening whenever you drive somewhere.)

4. Let an older mom mentor you.

Find a mom who has finished raising her family, and ask her if you can “pick her brain.” Ask her questions as needed, and glean from her wisdom and years of experience. That is exactly why I created the Parenting Purposefully Membership! Learn more here.

5. Stay faithful to obey God’s charge to bring your kids up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

What are the dangers of comparison? It’s easy to get discouraged when we don’t see the character training working, or we just aren’t seeing the results we think we should be based on our efforts. You won’t see many of the results you are hoping to see in your kids until you have been faithful in teaching and training for a while.  Don’t judge your success by what you see, but rather by the seeds you faithfully planted. 

Ask God to give you the help you need to be the best mom YOU can be and stop comparing yourself to other moms!

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