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How To Communicate To Connect With Your Child

Banner How to Connect to Your Child and Win Their Heart

Praying Biblical Virtues 30 Day

Scroll down to view the challenge sponsor! 

As you purposefully communicate to connect with your child, it will help you build relationships and trust which leads to keeping your child’s heart.

If you watch any family that has good relationships, and the kids and parents are close, you will notice that they have a good communication system in their home.

Tips on How To Communicate To Connect With Your Child

child trying to communicate megaphone How To Communicate To Connect With Your Child

1. Keep in mind that while most communication is verbal, there are other components that are important:

Communication is:

  • The ability to talk AND listen
  • Caring and showing that you care
  • Knowing your children’s interests, likes, and dislikes
  • Laughing with your children
  • Being there when needed
  • Letting your child know you love and appreciate him or her (as they ARE!)
  • Letting them know they are of value to you
  • A pat on the back, a hug

Communication that connects also involves listening and asking the right questions in the right way:

  • Ask one question at a time.
  • Ask open-ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with yes or no.
  • Don’t interrupt while your child is talking. Focus on listening intently until they are done.
  • Listen to understand not just their words, but also the emotions they are expressing through those words.
  • Ask a follow-up question that will open the door to more communication on that topic they have been talking about.

Why DON’T we communicate as parents? Often, it is because we are too busy.

There are always things to be done: laundry, housework, childcare & training, school, dishes, and more laundry.

These responsibilities keep us busy, and when we get a break, we are so tired that we don’t want to make the effort to communicate. It’s easier to put a DVD in, and plop the kids down and grab a few minutes to just relax in quiet.

But the truth is, even if it’s not convenient, you HAVE to communicate to connect with your child.

2. Communicate to connect by taking the time to talk and listen to them.

That’s how we know their hearts. That’s how we win their hearts.

There’s nothing wrong with needing a little quiet time now and then, but make sure to be there when your kids want to talk, or they will quit trying.

If you are always busy, or impatient, or disinterested, they’ll go find someone who will listen.

Communication is more important than cleaning or laundry.

Your children won’t necessarily remember a clean house but they will remember if Mom or Dad were always just too busy for them.

If you haven’t been in the habit of communicating with your kids, you need to start with little steps and make it happen.

3. Offer to play a game with them, or do something with them that they would enjoy.

While you’re together ask questions about what they’ve been doing, about their friends, etc. Get them talking, while you listen and learn.

It’s surprising how much you can learn about your kids if you just pay attention to what they are saying. Sometimes their talk may seem silly or unimportant to you, but it’s important to them!

Build Better Communication With Your Kids With These 8 Tips!

4. One of the BEST times to really talk to your kids is at bedtime.

Bedtime can be hard because we are tired, and just want to hurry them off to bed so we can relax, or get some work done.

However, I have found that many important conversations took place with my kids at bedtime.

Let me encourage you to make a ritual of praying with them after they get in bed, and then giving them a few minutes to talk if they seem to need or want to.

Also, I found that after my little ones were in bed, often the teens would want to talk to me.

I had to guard against getting frustrated about this.

It was finally my time to have quiet, and just as I’d begin to work on my list for the next day, or catch up on my emails, one of my teens would come in the room.

They would sit down and just start chatting about this, that, and the other thing. I had to calmly remind myself, repeatedly, that it was a blessing that my teens wanted to come and talk to me.

Many parents would do just about anything to get their teens to open up and share with them.

I also reminded myself that the time goes fast, and I needed to enjoy that time with them. Because of that, I can remember and smile about the many hours I spent with my teens at night, just listening, talking, and laughing together.

Now that they’re young adults and married or on their own, they still call and we talk.

5. Another good time to talk is when you take your kids somewhere and have one on one time.

I remember when my youngest daughter would go on an outing with me.

She would talk and talk, then finally stop and ask, “Am I talking too much?!”

It still makes me smile to think about it. She is married now, and I miss those times.

(Reminder here for you that still have young ones – you’ve heard it a thousand times, but it’s SO true – the day WILL come when you miss all the noise and talking, and you’ll wish you could turn back the clock!)

6. If you want to communicate to connect, remember to keep the communication positive.

Of course, there are many times when we have to correct and train our children.

However, be very careful not to always be nagging, or making negative comments about what they have or haven’t done.

Avoid these 7 Responses That Make Your Kids Stop Talking To You!

Frequent negative comments will shut down communication, and make them just want to avoid you.

Be purposeful about regularly giving your kids words of encouragement and praise.

They should hear things like:

  • I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that! You really showed diligence.
  • Your actions show you have grown in character.
  • Good for you!!
  • Keep up the good work!
  • I can’t wait to tell Daddy what you did. He’s going to be SO pleased!
  • When you obey so quickly and sweetly, it makes Jesus so happy.
  • I’m so glad God gave you to us!
  • Thank you for helping with ___________ today. I couldn’t do it all without you!

Biblical blessings are powerful and are a great tool for building a strong connection to your children. Join our 10 Day Praying Biblical Blessings For Your Children Challenge and see what an encouragement it will be to you and your children!

Perhaps you have one of those difficult children, and it’s HARD to find something positive about their behavior.

Ask God to show you something good in them or their behavior, and even if it’s not a big thing, make it a big thing. Find the little things they are doing right and let them know how much that pleases you.

It will make them want to try harder to please you while helping you to look for the positive behavior rather than focusing on the negative.

Communication with parents and their kids isn’t really common these days. However, as Christian parents, we should make sure that it’s at the top of our priority list.

What a testimony your family can have when you have good relationships with each other!

A few years ago on a Sunday night after church, my daughter and I ran into the store at the gas station.

While we were in line waiting to pay, we were talking and laughing together. I didn’t realize it, but the cashier who was probably in her 30’s, had been watching us.

When we got up there to pay, she asked me, “Is that your daughter?

I said, “Yes, this is my daughter.

She replied, with some surprise, “Wow! It’s SO nice to see you two laughing and talking together. You don’t see that very often.”

It made me appreciate the fact that I had a good relationship with my daughter (and my other kids), and was able to enjoy being with them and talking to them.

On the other hand, it made me sad to think about how many parents are missing out on that.

Communication is so important, and we have to be willing to do our part to make it happen. What can you do to communicate to connect with your child TODAY?

TODAY’S 7 DAY CONNECT CHALLENGE SPONSOR: THE CHARACTER CORNER. 

Check out these additional resources from The Character Corner! THE IMPORTANCE OF WINNING YOUR CHILD’S HEART {UPDATED EDITION}, TRAINING & CORRECTING THE HEART WITH SCRIPTURE and BUILDING CHARACTER IN YOUR CHILDREN 

The Importance of Winning Your Child's Heart The Character CornerTraining and correcting the heartbuilding character in your children

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One Response

  1. Wow thanks so much for this post! I needed this so much! I feel so alone at times with being a stay at home/homeschooling mama of five kids..ages 11-9mths. I’m going to make alone time for each five of my babies daily! I made the decision to homeschool my oldest. I felt as if we’re losing him to the world. I know satan will come at me hard and I’ll need this encouragement. Thanks again!

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